Daft Things Customers Say in Antique Shops

Daft Things Customers Say in Antique Shops

My boyfriend runs his own antique shop and I thought I’d share with you some of the things customers say whilst in the shop…….


Man pops his head through the door: “Hi, I don’t suppose you have any carpet tiles?”.

John looks around the shop, wondering when his antique shop began to resemble a carpet shop. “Only the ones glued to the floor. Sorry!” he replies.


Customer: “Is that (bright red, obviously brand new and installed by law) fire extinguisher for sale?”


Customer: “I’m after a mobile phone.”

John: “An old one?”

Customer: “No, a brand new one.”

John: “Sorry, we only sell antique mobile phones!”


Customer: “It’s good to see a second-hand junk shop back in the town again.”

“It’s a bloody antique shop” John mutters under his breath.


Customer: “So you don’t buy new stuff then?”


Customer: “Would you like to take a look at my dresser? I’d like to sell it.”

The customer proceeds to show John a photo of an Ikea dresser.

John: “It looks a bit new…”

Customer: “Of course it is. I only bought it last year.”


Customer: “What guarrantee could you give me on this clock?”

John: “I can guarrantee you it’s a clock…”


Customer: “Do you buy stuff?

John: “Only if it’s suitable for the shop.”

Customer: “Why does it have to be suitable for the shop?”


I’m sure there’s more to come!


  1. Hi Nikki,

    I love the look of John’s antique shop, whereabouts is it, so that I can look out for it when we are next up your way!

    I think that most service providers and retailers could come up with a list of choice comments and requests made by their customers, we even get our fair share of them in the charity shop where I volunteer.

    I have had this site bookmarked for some time, so it came straight to mind when I was reading your list of John’s anecdotes and it features a bookshop which is good!


    Thanks for sharing and hope that all is well with you 🙂


    PS I wonder if you take a look at the link you are using when you comment on my blog. When I click on your name to check out your latest post, it takes me to your old site. It was just sheer luck that I was on Twitter when your post was tweeted!

    • Nixy says:

      Hi Yvonne, the shop is in Melton Mowbray, Leicestershire (so not quite “my way”!). I could come up with quite a list of “daft things customers/staff say” with my job, but some readers might not “get” them unless they’re in the industry.

  2. Bill says:

    We regularly get people in looking for indoor TV aerials.

    1 We’re a computer shop

    2 They don’t tend to work here

    Glad the crazy (never buy anything) customer brigade is active elsewhere too.

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